I called the number on Friday morning. It's Tuesday morning and they still haven't called me back. I'm in shock. Imagine if it was a woman that had called that morning and it had taken an enormous amount of courage to make that call and she never received a call back and didn't have the courage to call again. Kind of like how I feel. I'm back to feeling lazy and wondering maybe I can just work through it on my own. I did find another place to call, this time in Richmond Hill. As for me making the phone call again, I'm wavering now. Sometimes I think it's been 2 1/2 years already, do I really need to see a therapist, will it really make these feelings disappear. Deep in my heart I know I have to make the phone call, I think it will help to talk to someone. But I'm procastinating, thinking I can do it by myself. This whole thing honestly angers me more than anything. Angers me that I can allow myself to fall completely under these irrational thoughts. I have a psych degree for god's sake, you'd think I'd be smart enough or just mentally able to keep it togther. When I was pregnant I was estactic. I couldnt' wait to have my baby and was looking forward to having another 2 after. Then, almost immediately, when we were in our hospital room I remember thinking all I wanted was for someone to take her away and never bring her back. I was regretting the whole thing. Of course the doctors said it was all due to lack of sleep and that the feelings would go away. I thought to myself, yes of course I remember reading about the "baby blues". Yet the feelings never went away. They're still here. To a lesser extent but they're still around. They cloud my judgement, they make situations harder than they should be.
I'm home today from work, the alarm didn't wake me up and neither did Joe. I have a cold too so I figured I might as well stay home and relax, and decide on making the phone call again.
Edited to add: I made the call to the other place and I have an appointment in April. April is a long way away but it's a step. Thanks all for your words, it truly it a good feeling to know that someone out there cares enough to share kind words. :)
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Once More
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
9 comments:
That's crappy! I can't believe you haven't received a callback.
Call the other place. Do it by lunchtime. :)
Bossy ain't I?
Don't doubt yourself. It took a lot of courage to make the call, so try calling the other place as well. Do it soon!
You need to do this not only for your family, but mostly for yourself. There is nothing wrong with what you are feeling. Taking this for yourself will only make you a better mother and your relationship with Samantha will thrive even more.
The hardest part for me in conquering my PPD was finding the help. We live north of Toronto and although I was given all the resources when I had my daughter I couldn't get a response from anyone.
You really have to push and push. Don't back down. Getting the help you need is sooooo worth it.
Make the call again...
I was thinking...what if they got your message but took down one digit incorrectly? You just never know right? So make the call...you are doing this for you, I guarantee you that you that you will not regret it the days, months, years to come.
Also, keep in touch anytime.
That sucks. I agree with Ms. Porter - call again. And again, if you need to. It's important.
I'm glad that you got an appointment. April seems like a long way off but I hope it will go quickly. There's nothing wrong with how you are feeling and talking about it is a major step. You've got support out here :)
If you ever need to talk - or want a coffee or tea - I'm not to far away from you. Anytime, ok?!?
oh Gabriella I'm so sorry you are going through this.
(just catching up)
I hope you get an appointment sooner than April- that's ridiculous.
It really helps to talk to someone though.
For what it's worth, this time of year can really take a toll and from what I'm reading out there, it seems as though you are not alone.
If you ever need to chat, you know where to find me.
I haven't visited in a while, but I'm glad I've decided to "come visit" today. I think you should definitely get help and I'm glad you called. I'm also sorry that the other place didn't respond making you have to go through the hassle of calling another place. As someone who dreads making calls to strangers to solve any problems, I understand to some extent how tough it was for you to do this.
You should not feel guilty for feeling this way. Not every mother feels happy and fulfilled to be a mother, it's just that people don't like to talk about it or admit it. There's always an immense amount of pressure on mothers and we're judged right and left for our actions and feelings.
Hang in there, my friend, and hopefully in April you'll be able to find out more about how to feel better.
Post a Comment